New Drugs for Women

DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you ofhow awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till theymoved out.

ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolersunconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before anevening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and preventsconception.

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting inenjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and theurge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethallines as, "You make me want to be a better person. "

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency,duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager toshare their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritationlevel as nagging him.