Monday, July 07, 2008

Dog's Diary vs. Cat's Diary



The Dog's Diary:


8:00am-Dog Food!!!! My Favorite Thing...

9:30am-A Car Ride!!!! My Favorite Thing...

9:40am-A walk in the park!!! My Favorite Thing...

10:30am-Got Rubbed and petted!!!!!!!! My Favorite Thing...

12:00pm-Milk Bones!!!!!!!!!!!! My Favorite Thing...

1:00pm-Played in the Yard!!!!!!!!!! My Favorite Thing...

3:00pm-Wagged my tail!!!!!!!!!My Favorite Thing...

5:00pm-Dinner!!!!!!!!!!! My Favorite Thing...

7:00pm-Got to play ball!!!!! My Favorite Thing...

8:00pm Wow! Watched TV with the people!!!!!!!!!! My Favorite Thing...

11:00pm-Sleeping on the bed!!!!!!!!!!! My Favorite Thing...


The Cat's Diary:


...Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although Imake my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape...

In an attempt to digust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today, I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrated my capabilities. However they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

Bastards.... There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, Icould hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again, but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privleges. He is a regularly released, and seems to be more than willingto return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

3 comments:

Jen said...

Love the cat story! That is pretty hilarious!

Andrea said...

That's funny! Cats are such elitists!

s-hooks said...

lol! 'Bastards....'