Saturday, March 10, 2007

Stranger in a Strange Land

Ryan bought me a gift certificate from Solutions for Christmas that has been continually put to use since then. He knows me so well, it's scary :-) The actual Christmas package they had was for a pedicure, a manicure, and a massage. Ryan told them that the pedicure and manicure would be a waste, because he just watched me bite all my nails off, and I hate for anyone to touch my feet....I don't even like to touch my own feet. So, he put together a little custom package for me with a hair cut and color, a spa facial, and a deep muscle massage. So far, I've managed to get two out of the three done.

I did the hair thing a couple weeks ago, and am now sporting a little auburn....I like it. Anyway, yesterday, I went in for my spa facial. I really didn't know exactly what that was except I knew there was steam involved to open up my pores. When I think of a facial, I think of makeup and pretty stuff.....but this was so much better!!

First, I walked in and gave my name to the sweet little guy named Brian at the front desk. He had the most beautiful blue earrings in, I couldn't quit staring at them, so maybe I just wasn't paying attention when he told me what to do, but I really think I was just clueless, because I've never had these kinds of luxuries before...I didn't know what I was doing.

Brian walked me upstairs and showed me to the dressing room. He pointed out the towels, the wraps, the robes, and the shower for when I was done in the spa if I wanted it. As he leaves the dressing room, I gather up a towel, a wrap, and a robe. I put everything on and walked out to the steam room. There were hooks on the outside of the spa to hang your robe on when you went in. At that point, it dawned on me......I really don't know what I'm doing here. I have this wrap on and this robe over it, but I can't figure out what I'm supposed to do with everything. I know I'm not supposed to be naked, and I didn't bring a swimsuit or anything, so what do I do about my boobs....I don't want to expose anyone....and surely that's not what they expected either. So, after standing outside the door drinking my water and trying to look like I know what's going on as people walk by, I finally realized I'm a total idiot, and this wrap thing is supposed to be up OVER my boobs.....he he he....OK, I guess I need to go back to the dressing room.

So, I get back in the dressing room, and to my amazement, this wrap thingy fits me much better when I have it up over the boobs, which apparently was where it should've been the whole time. Geez...I'm silly. But, I've already wasted a few minutes of my spa time, so I wanna get back out there. I hung my robe up and walked in with my body covered in this wrap.

It felt great whenI first walked in, but it didn't take me long to realize it was really hard to breathe. All I keep doing is inhaling this they want me to drown in here?!?! So, I walk out and get anouther drink of my water...then I decide, I can handle it, this is supposed to be relaxing. After sitting in there for a few more minutes, my hair is drenched, and I'm having trouble breathing again.....this time I think I'll go get a glass of wine.....yes, they serve FREE wine at Solutions WOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!!! So, I walked out to get a glass of wine, and for the first time, I feel like I know what I'm doing. Believe me, I know how to enjoy a nice glass of wine.....even if it did come out of a box :-) Back to the steam room I go...........

After I couldn't take it anymore, and all my viens were about to pop out of my body, I finally stepped out and downed the rest of my water and wine. I'm literally dripping with sweat and steam in the middle of this hallway just chugging away.....but I'm really starting to enjoy myself at this point.

Just as I'm heading back towards the dressing room to get back in my own clothes, Amanda, the esthetician who is doing my facial stops me. She tells me I might want to keep the wrap on for the facial. I'm really confused at this point....why do I need to be half naked for a facial? OK, whatever, I was too hot to put my clothes back on anyway.

Amanda walked me into this really dark room with celtic music playing overhead and told me to lie down on this massage table....awesome....looks comfy to me. I didn't know I'd get to lay down for this, but I have no problem with that. She proceeds to ask me if I'd like the scalp and shoulder massage that comes along with the facial. My most common comment that day was, "Is it included in my gift certificate, because I don't have any money?." It was, so of course, I took her up on the offer.

The spa facial aparently has nothing to do with makeup or getting pretty...which was fine with me. It's more of a relaxation and cleansing type thing. Cool, I like to relax :-)

Amanda keeps explaining all kinds of things that she'll be doing in the time we spend together. I understood about half of what she told me, but agreed to everything. I could hear her at the head of my bed mixing things, and running water, and as I'm wondering what all she's doing, I get this song by Leon Russell running through my head. It's called "Stranger in a Strange Land." I decided that was my theme song for the day since I had no clue what was going on.

She started out by cleaning my face off....that was the only point in time that I knew for sure what was happening. She told me to try to keep my eyes closed because she would be working on my eyelids a little too. So, I closed my eyes, and just sat back to enjoy the pampering. She had some kind of little paint brush that she put all kinds of different stuff on my face with. Surprisingly, it didn't tickle my face like I thought it felt really good. After a few layers of whatever it was, she starts applying some kind of mask that will harden up a little. She put a little dryer in front of my face and started on the scalp massage while my face was drying. That was one of the best parts. After that, she put some steamy towels over my face and wiped away the mask. I figured we were pretty close to being done...until I heard her say, "OK, now don't let this noise scare you." Sorry....had to open my eyes for that one......She had some kind of little mini electric sander she took to my face....I swear that's what it was. It didn't hurt. It actaully felt pretty good, but it was kinda weird. Once again, I hear "stranger in a strange land" dancing through my head and I laughed a little at myself.

After she quit sanding my face down, she used some gritty exfoliating stuff to get all the dead skin off. That felt good too, but it stung a little. It felt fantastic when she wiped it off though. Then she continued to paint something else on my face that she had been mixing up while I was laying and listening. This time, the brush tickled a little, and I laughed at myself again. I don't know if she thought I was laughing at her or what, but she surely thought I was crazy. I was willing to tell her I was laughing at myself, but only if she asked, so I never told her.......I guess she'll wonder forever now :-)

While this last stuff was sinking into myface, she got some massage oil, and rubbed my shoulders, neck, chest, and upper back a little. I wanted her to quit worrying about my face and just keep doing that, but I guess that's not how the deal goes down......I think it's a scam.....they tease you with a little massage so you'll want to come back for the real deal later on. But Ryan took care of that for me....I go back on the 22nd for my massage.

Finally, she put a few steaming towels over my chest and my face again, and wiped everything away. I didn't want to move. I just wanted to lay there and contiue to enjoy the music in my own head....I completely forgot there was music playing in the room. Stranger in a strange land wouldn't leave I said, that was my theme song for the day, because I was clueless. But once I got the wrap and the robe figured out, I was on the right track.

I'm just glad I didn't drop the robe and walk in topless. I actually considered it for a minute and thought surely that's not what they expected me to do :-)


KellyAnn said...

your so silly. Could you imagine how they may have reacted if you would have walked in there with your wrap around your waist. I actually giggled as I read this. I'm glad you figured everything out. One day I'm gonna do that.

s-hooks said...

Awesome. I'm so glad you pulled that thing up! Ha ha ha!

Andrea said...

This is funny Allison! We need to get you off your block more often!

I've never been to a spa either - but I'd love a good massage. Let me know how it goes.