Friday, October 27, 2006

Wal-Mart Woes


It is a fabulous Friday night in Kokomo, you know!!!! It's payday...and I'm headin' to Wal-Mart!!!

I can't wait to see all the women at Wal-Mart in spandex and oversized t-shirts. They'll probably have all twelve of their children with them. AND they won't have coats on. Their hair will be mangled and matted, and six of the twelve will definitely have something that resembles dirt around their mouths and all over their fingers. If I'm lucky, there may be a little color to it, so I can assume it came from that package of gummy bears that MOM just let them open in the aisle and eat all the way through the store. They might even leave a trail for me incase I get lonely and suddenly feel the need for twelve screaming children to comfort me. I'm sure the kids will ALL find something they just can't live without, and as they scream wildly while MOM pulls them away from it, I'll get to hear her loud mouth telling them how she and their daddy, and their uncle, and her grandpa are all going to beat them senseless when they get home......In all honesty, I wish she'd do it now, so I don't have to hear about it!!!!

I can't wait to see who pulls their cart out infront of me first, making me come to a complete hault while they meander out in front of me not even realizing I am there. These are the same people that pull out in front of us on the highways, and have no idea they just about had my hood up their ass. And to make it even better, they will definitely be talking on their cell phones. Probably to the person they're with, who happens to be blocking the other end of the I'm stuck...and I think my head is going to explode from all the waves from their cell phones......wait, in fact, I think I can see that growth on the side of that lady's head now.....i'm sure it's radiation damage from her cell phone..............

I can't wait to see the greeter with his half smile/ half smirk. They always seem so unhappy considereing all the beautiful and glamorous people they get to encounter in a days time. I can't wait until the greeter looks at me funny like I should have something for them to put their little sticker on so I can return it or something......nope.....sorry buddy, you're just here simply to annoy me and make me talk as I walk into the wild world of Wal-Mart. Actaully, the only time I'm glad to see those people is on my way OUT!!!!!

Oh wait, I also can't wait to see the teenagers who aren't quite old enough to drive yet, and have nothing better to do than go hang out at Wal-Mart for the night!!! So, rather than have some family time at home, their stupendous parents will drop them off and let Wal-Mart babysit for the night. They might even walk in a big enough group I can't get around them with my cart....I may just have to clip a heel or something. They will all be in their black GOTH outfits, and they will probably be really annoyed when I walk past them and laugh.......I like those groups of kids who think they've got you intimidated just because there's more of them than there is of you. Oh they don't stand a chance if they're in my way at Wal-Mart....I'll take 'em out one heel at a time if I have to!!!

OH OH OH!!!!! I really can't wait for the husband who is out shopping for God only knows what reason. Maybe his wife is pulling a cruel joke on the rest of us. He'll block the soup aisle for twenty minutes trying to find a stupid can of Campbell's chicken and noodle soup. When he gets to the produce out....he doesn't even know what half this stuff is. Here comes the cell phone again. "Um, Honey.........what did you say those kumquats looked like again?????" Regardless of what he's saying, I'll feel the uncontrolable urge to pick up what he's looking for and clock him in the head with it.

Oh my......I might need a drink before I go...............


s-hooks said...

Dang, I feel like I was just there...aaaand I need to wash my hands in scalding hot water! Have fun and try not to get mugged!

PS: Loved the kumquat reference!! :)

enN2sp said...

I hate to say this but the Kids thing (it's true).

They only scream and yell because MOM doesn't pay them no mind, because she is only out at Wal-mart for HER.
She only brought the 12 kids out because there was no one to watch them because everyone she knows HATES her kids, she doesn't discipline them at all unless she hears or sees it out of their mouths personally.
She only gives them candy to quit them long enough to get what SHE wants.
Then on the way out they are all hyped on sugar.
That is when she says that everyone in their family will beat them to the inch of their lives.

Sad but true, I see everyday.

How about the mom that has all the kids trailing her like mother duck even the smallest kid isn't holding someone’s hand getting ran over by who knows what.
Then they (mom) yell at the little one (3 or 4 years old) and yell you need to come on and watch where you’re going.

I HATE THAT so much!

enN2sp said...

The other thing is OLD WOMEN.
I don't know if they can't hear or what, but you say excuse me and they are still standing in your way.
Then when you try to go by and accidentally push or hit them they give you such a look like "I'm standing here". That is when I look at them with my look. . . "AND, ya you didn't move".

Jenny said...

And why do you all go to Wal-Mart again? Sounds like a big pain in the ass!

allison said...

Oh, but what would life BE without Wal-Mart!!!

enN2sp said...

Jenny are you working on your blog??????

s-hooks said...

Last time I went there was because I was broke and needed is cheaper there!! I go maybe once every couple months.