It is a fabulous Friday night in Kokomo, you know!!!! It's payday...and I'm headin' to Wal-Mart!!!
I can't wait to see all the women at Wal-Mart in spandex and oversized t-shirts. They'll probably have all twelve of their children with them. AND they won't have coats on. Their hair will be mangled and matted, and six of the twelve will definitely have something that resembles dirt around their mouths and all over their fingers. If I'm lucky, there may be a little color to it, so I can assume it came from that package of gummy bears that MOM just let them open in the aisle and eat all the way through the store. They might even leave a trail for me incase I get lonely and suddenly feel the need for twelve screaming children to comfort me. I'm sure the kids will ALL find something they just can't live without, and as they scream wildly while MOM pulls them away from it, I'll get to hear her loud mouth telling them how she and their daddy, and their uncle, and her grandpa are all going to beat them senseless when they get home......In all honesty, I wish she'd do it now, so I don't have to hear about it!!!!
I can't wait to see who pulls their cart out infront of me first, making me come to a complete hault while they meander out in front of me not even realizing I am there. These are the same people that pull out in front of us on the highways, and have no idea they just about had my hood up their ass. And to make it even better, they will definitely be talking on their cell phones. Probably to the person they're with, who happens to be blocking the other end of the aisle....now I'm stuck...and I think my head is going to explode from all the waves from their cell phones......wait, in fact, I think I can see that growth on the side of that lady's head now.....i'm sure it's radiation damage from her cell phone..............
I can't wait to see the greeter with his half smile/ half smirk. They always seem so unhappy considereing all the beautiful and glamorous people they get to encounter in a days time. I can't wait until the greeter looks at me funny like I should have something for them to put their little sticker on so I can return it or something......nope.....sorry buddy, you're just here simply to annoy me and make me talk as I walk into the wild world of Wal-Mart. Actaully, the only time I'm glad to see those people is on my way OUT!!!!!
Oh wait, I also can't wait to see the teenagers who aren't quite old enough to drive yet, and have nothing better to do than go hang out at Wal-Mart for the night!!! So, rather than have some family time at home, their stupendous parents will drop them off and let Wal-Mart babysit for the night. They might even walk in a big enough group I can't get around them with my cart....I may just have to clip a heel or something. They will all be in their black GOTH outfits, and they will probably be really annoyed when I walk past them and laugh.......I like those groups of kids who think they've got you intimidated just because there's more of them than there is of you. Oh they don't stand a chance if they're in my way at Wal-Mart....I'll take 'em out one heel at a time if I have to!!!
OH OH OH!!!!! I really can't wait for the husband who is out shopping for God only knows what reason. Maybe his wife is pulling a cruel joke on the rest of us. He'll block the soup aisle for twenty minutes trying to find a stupid can of Campbell's chicken and noodle soup. When he gets to the produce aisle....watch out....he doesn't even know what half this stuff is. Here comes the cell phone again. "Um, Honey.........what did you say those kumquats looked like again?????" Regardless of what he's saying, I'll feel the uncontrolable urge to pick up what he's looking for and clock him in the head with it.
Oh my......I might need a drink before I go...............