Don't worry........

Don't worry guys....I'm not going to see Michael alone, and I'm meeting him at the tattoo shop. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean that he'll be a perfect gentleman, but I'm not going to his house. I don't plan on staying long. My friend has to babysit for her nephew Friday evening, so we've got a schedule to keep.

I am a little nervous of how he will respond to seeing me. He is the king of manipulation. But, I have Ryan, and we have so much more, and are so much closer than Michael and I ever were. It seems strange that I'm still technically married. I felt alone for so long even while Michael and I were still together. In all reality, I feel more for Ryan in only about a year than I ever felt for Michael in the ten years we were together.

Anyway, I don't want anyone to worry. If Michael would hurt me in any way, it would be emotionally...not physically, and I've learned how to deal with the emotions pretty well over the years with him. I'm a pretty tough cookie, you know?

wish me luck!!!

Well, now that I have gotten some things taken care of at home, I'm ready to take care of some other business.

This Friday I will be driving down to Indy to pick up the last of my divorce papers from Michael. I've been waiting for him to send them back to me for almost six months. (he never was the most motivated person I've known) I've called him nearly every day for the last month hounding him about this. It's a little rediculous that it's taken us a year and a half to get through a "non-contested" divorce. He has told me over and over again that he would mail the paperwork to me, and time and time again, I've checked my mail to find nothing other than the typical junk and bills.....no divorce papers. So, I decided enough is enough, and when he told me today that they'd be in the mail tomorrow, I told him to keep them and I would be down on Friday to get them in person.

It will be strange to see him after all this time. In a way, I'm a little anxious to see him. Mainly to see if I believe him when he says he's off drugs. He sounds good on the phone, but I sat right next to him at his worst, and heard him sound very good on the phone to others. Until I see him myself, I won't believe it. For his sake, I hope he is telling me the truth. I wish him nothing but good days for his future. So it will be interesting.

It has been almost two years since he moved out, and about 19 months since we've seen eachother. In some ways, it feels like it was a completely different lifetime. But, then again, it's also hard to believe he's been gone that long.

You know, they DO say that time flies when you're having fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so fresh and so clean clean!!!!!

Oh yes!!!
It's official......I have water!!!!
It's amazing to me that it took less than a week for the church to collect ALL the money for my water AND get it fixed. My yard is a huge swamp now, but it's a small price to pay to be able to shower in my own home again.
I am so thankful to have so many people looking out for me. I like to think I don't need anyone to take care of me, but I can't deny that it has taken a huge weight off my shoulders to have this taken care of.
The only thing I'm afraid of now, is becoming obsessive compulsive about washing my hands, brushing my teeth, flushing the toilet........basically anything that has to do with water. I'm surprised my gums aren't bleeding yet!!!!

I feel so fresh and so clean clean!!!!!

Do YOU have a song that gives you chills?

Have you ever heard a song that hits so close to home that it gives you chills every time you hear it?

Here are a few lyrics from a song by Ekoostik Hookah called "Another You." It really gets to me every time I hear it because I've had the same thoughts myself after everything I've gone through with my ex-husband. Now I'm with someone who treats me like gold.

I said "I don't deserve your anger,"
she said I don't deserve her love,
I said "I'll give you everything,"
she said that wouldn't be enough.

It's been six years since I've seen her,
at least a thousand miles between,
and my new lady's just as kind to me
as the old one was ever mean.

And I don't care that she's gone
and if I ever see her face,
I'll say "I can't believe I begged for you,
you know it seems like such a waste."

But then she did get one thing right,
there was only one thing left to do.
So now here I am,
a different man,
in another time, another place,
with another you.

That's only a few verses of the song, but you get the general idea.....

The Crow

As I was sitting flipping through channels, frustrated at all the crap on TV these days, I came across a great movie I hadn't seen in awhile. It was "The Crow" with Brandon Lee. What a great movie!!! It's a little creepy, so for some of my family who are faint hearted, I wouldn't recommend it.

I've always been a little intrigued by the movie becuase it's kind of dark, but also due to the fact that Brandon died while filming it. If I remember right, he was shot by a real bullet in a scene where he was being shot at, and obviously, the cast was supposed to be using blanks. The fact that this happened, gives the whole movie a different feel, knowing what went on.

Anyway, it's nice to actually find something worth watching on TV once in awhile.

FYI: The Crow soundtrack is great!!!

music pick for today........

For the last few days, I have been hooked on Van Morrison. I don't think my Moondance CD has left my car stereo for about a week. Although my favorite Van Morrison song (Brown Eyed Girl) isn't on this disc, it has some other great tunes like "Into the Mystic" and "These Dreams of You."

Another CD that has caught my attention is Paul Mccartney's new release, called "Chaos and Creation in the Backyard." I haven't heard the whole thing, but I saw a documentary about the recording sessions that was very good. Paul Mccartney is creditied with playing several of the instruments throughout the album. Some that I can actually remember are the drums, guitar, bass, keyboards, block flute, and something called the harmonium. I have no idea what that is, but I thought a lot more of the album when I heard that he had done that. The music is pretty basic, but Paul had a few songs with some great lyrics. I don't own it yet, but I will soon.

Last, for today, anyone who likes the blues, and/or Aerosmith, should check out their CD called "Honkin' on Bobo." It is an album that was released a year or two ago, but I just recently found it. It is mainly covers of old blues songs. A couple of the songs that I liked were "Shame, Shame, Shame" and "Eyesight to the Blind."

humbled........

Well, once again, things are falling into place for good ol' Alli.

I just got the most humbling message from a good friend of mine yesterday. Apparently, my friends and nieghbors in West Middleton are getting together with West Middleton United Methodist Church to help me out with all the water problems I have had at my home. Some of you may not have realized that I have been without water for nearly six months now. My neighbors, on the other hand, are very aware, because it's usually their doors I'm knocking on to refill my jugs. It has been a huge struggle trying to save any extra money. My credit was ruined when Michael got ahold of my money, and I have to admit, I didn't always make the best financial decisions in the past. So, it has been one denial after another trynig to get loans, refinancing on my house, or any other assistance for that matter. I have had some very generous people (you know who you are) that have donated to the "Well Fund," and I thank you with all my heart.

When I got the news about the help they're providing, I almost cried......I don't cry. (It's called Lexapro) Most people would look at me and say I was crazy, or irresponsible maybe, for not being able to take care of this myself. I'm a grown woman (I don't feel like it sometimes,) I have a decent job, and in my opinion, I should be able to do this on my own. But, I tend to be a little stubborn, and I like to learn the hard way....I have definitely learned the hard way how NOT to handle my money. If it weren't for Ryan providing me with concert tickets and gas money for the shows all summer, I would have rotted away in my own little drought and misery. (Thank you, Honey, for keeping me sane this summer, and giving me an escape!!!)

Anyway, I just felt the need to let everyone know how thankful I am to have such loving and caring people surrounding me. I may not be wealthy in the monetary sense, but right now I feel like the most wealthy woman in the world!!!!

Hookahville!!!!!!!!!

Well, here I am, back at work, still recuperating from Hookahville, which was this past weekend.

I threw in a couple photos of two of my favorite guys. Eric, here to the left is the one I call my "Buddy." I had such a great time watching him, and talking with him after the show. I got a pretty cool picture of us together...me on his shoulders. I was so excited. Too bad I don't have a digital camera to share it with all of you.

Johnny, up there with the bongo drums, is another band member who I always try to chit chat with if possible. He always has this glow to him. Especially now, since he just got married a couple weeks ago....Congrats Johnny!!!


I was a little fearful of facing bad weather after all the hurricaine remnants rolling through, but the weekend turned out to be beautiful. Ryan and I were both very thankful for the perfect weekend we had. I do have to admit, however, my butt and legs hurt SOOOOOO bad from walking and dancing, and just being silly.

I actually hopped into a hoola hoop, which I haven't done in years. I think it would be a great form of exercise, so I'm considering it. Plus, I just didn't like being shown up by these little 10 year olds who can hoola for hours on end.

That's one of the great things about Hookahville. There are so many families there. The kids have plenty to do, and there are NEVER any hassells with the crowd. It's just not like that. I don't know of many places you can go with thousands of people, and so little security, and not have problems. The band makes their opinions very clear on making it a family friendly environment.

The shows were great, of course!! There were several bands there that I was not real familiar with, but I'm always up for something new. One band I really enjoyed was called the Hackensaw Boys. They were mostly bluegrass...with a little rock mixed in. I was very excited to have the chance to see Little Feat. They've been rocking out for decades. In fact, my dad saw them back in the late seventies, and I have an original poster from one of their shows in a small venue in New York from when my dad lived there. We also got to see Donna and the Buffalo, and DJ logic. So, as you can see, they try to get a good mixture of different music genres all together...it's a great setup.

Ekoostik Hookah rocked both nights!!! I was so excited to hear my man Eric sing a couple songs. I make him blush when I tell him how much I love to hear him sing. Isn't that funny...this hard core biker, drummer, still gets a little self concious...how cute. (He'd probably kill me for saying he's "cute") Cliff pulled off a great cover of "These Dreams of You" by Van Morrison, who is one of my favorites. So, I was glad to hear that.

Of course, just as always, Eric sang the last song of the last set. He always does the finale. I look forward to that every year, but it's also a little bitter sweet knowing that the night is coming to an end. The finale is the only time he steps away from the drums, so, of course, I'm always right up front. I just can't get enough of that guy!!

My next plan is to e-mail him again, and stroke his ego a little about him singing. He DID tell me that we will definitely keep in touch while the band is taking their break this winter. He even mentioned coming to Ohio to check out some cool hangouts. Ryan will be along for the ride of course. Ryan is still number one, but he's all for us hanging out with the band, so I'm all over it!!!!

When I have more time, and my memory is refreshed a little, I'll write more details about the show.

Until then.............everyone take care.............and SMILE!!!!!

music pick for today

I recently picked up the new Willie Nelson album. It's his first reggae album...yep, Willie's gone reggae on us. In all actuality, it's still Willie, with a few reggae beats and some different instruments. I have to say, I think it's a great pick.

I've also recently become very fond of my Weir Here disc, by Bob Weir. I've had it for several months, and just pulled it out and dusted it off a few days ago on the roadie to Ohio. Everyone should listen to Bob when he says "Women are Smarter" he's a very smart man!! That's my favorite quote right now. I'm probably safe to say that Ryan is tired of hearing it.

However, that's what he gets for quoting one of his favorites albums right now that says "being handsome means never having to you're sorry" Sorry, Baby, I don't think so!!!!

Last, but definitely not least, I picked up a double disc of the band called "One Under," consisting of a couple members from Ekoostik Hookah. Great album...a must have.

congrats Cuz!!!

I just found out my cousin Sarah is pregnant again!!! I'm so happy for her and Craig!! That little baby is so lucky to have a big brother like Ari. They will be about two years apart...good timing Cuz!!! I love you guys and I am so happy for you!!!

c???

I've been wonering something for a long time.....

Why don't we just throw the letter "c" out of the alphabet? It either sounds like a "k" or an "s," so what's the point of having it around? It needs to get its own sound or just get out of our way.

so sad...........

I am so sad.

I just read an announcement on Ekoostik Hookah's website saying that they are taking a break touring this winter. They promised to return next spring, but I was really looking forward to another season of following them.

I believe that they will be back. They have such a great chemistry with one another, and they know that. I guess maybe I'm just being selfish. The percussionist, Johnny, just got married last weekend. Dave, the keyboardist just had a baby this past spring, and I know that Steve, the lead guitarist, has a serious girlfriend. So, in all honesty, if I were in their shoes, I may be ready for a little time to myself as well.

They have toured throughout the year, for the last 13 years. Plus, everyone except for my buddy Eric (the drummer) has side projects that they are always working on. They squeeze in as many shows with their other bands as they can between the Hookah shows. I can't imagine having that kind of schedule. I think I've got it rough working 40 hours a week in a hospital I live six miles from. I probably would have taken a break a long time ago.

I'm just a little worried that this will be the beginning of the end of E.H. Their message to their fans was fairly reassuring, but they have been a huge part of my life for awhile now, and I don't want to lose that. I think Eric and I will keep in touch, so hopefully I will know all the details soon.

Ryan and I are going to Hookahville this weekend, so I will definitely be asking a lot of questions when I see them. I'm really excited for the show, and plan to make the best of it while they're still touring this fall.

I'll write again after Hookahville with plenty of good stories, I'm sure.

Attics of My Life

Attics of My Life

In the attics of my life, full of cloudy dreams unreal,
Full of tastes no tongue can know, and lights no eye can see,
When there was no ear to hear, you sang to me.

I have spent my life seeking all that's still unsung,
Bent my ear to hear the tune, and closed my eyes to see,
When there were no strings to play, you played to me.

In the book of love's own dream, where all the print is blood,
Where all the pages are my days, and all the lights grow old,
When I had no wings to fly, you flew to me, you flew to me.

In the secret space of dreams, where I dreaming lay amazed,
When the secrets all are told, and the petals all unfold,
When there was no dream of mine, you dreamed of me.
----------------------------------------------


I hope each and every person who reads this can relate these words to someone special in their lives. I have finally found him.

on the road to recovery...and Columbus!!!!

Wow, what a week!!! I have been so sick. I honestly don't remember being this sick since I was a child. I literally wanted to cry a couple of times. So much for that "tough as nails" description I've been given...thanks Brian!!

Anyway, my baby took good care of me. Waited on me hand and foot. I never had to ask for a thing. It's nice to have someone who cares. Unlike the my last beau who left me alone in the ER with no ride home and no ability to drive after way too much morphine for this little body. My family will remember that, I'm sure!!!

I regret to inform everyone that neither myself, nor Ryan made the sky diving trip this past weekend. We decided we'd rather go together. I will be sure to write about our adventures as soon as I can.

Tomorrow, Ryan and I are heading to Columbus, Ohio to see a couple of the guys from Ekoostik Hookah. Steve and Cliff are having a reunion show with their old band called "Supplication." I've never heard their music, but I'm always up for something new. I know I can't go wrong with these guys!!!

Next weekend, is the big Hookahville show...I can't wait!!! I'm sure I'll have plenty to tell when I get back from that trip. I'm excited to see the guys again. I actaully got an e-mail from the drummer, Eric a couple of days ago. I am like a kid in a candy store....In seventh heaven....I can't believe he actually wrote to me!!! I feel honored. Maybe he just likes my tattoos...who knows....I'll keep everyone updated!!!!!

bummer

Well, due to some financial issues, the sky diving trip is going to be put on hold. I'm so bummed out, but I intend on fulfilling this goal soon. I just have to get a few priorities straight first.

Ryan will still be going, and of course I will be there to watch. One of these days, we'll be jumping together. Until then, I'll keep my eyes on the sky!!!!

I'll let everyone know how it goes with Ryan this weekend.

quick update

This entry is regarding an issue that needed to be resolved a long time ago at the hospital where I work. If you refer back to my entry entitled "I'll Kill Her with Kindness," you may recall a very vocal co-worker of mine. Let's just call her the trouble-maker.

Well, the trouble-maker, is no longer employed with us!!!!! Everyone in the department can finally rest easy now, knowing that we don't have to deal with her ever again. I don't wish any harm on anyone, ever, but I do believe in karma and the fact that things you say and do in your lifetime will come back to haunt you. She was let go from her position due to attendance problems, mainly. However, there were several other factors taken into consideration. She has had multiple complaints from co-workers, patients, and the doctors we work for, regarding her poor attitude, her inability to get along with others, and her unwillingness to help out in extra areas when asked.

All I can say is, it's a blessing to our department, which is full of outstanding people who ALL go above and beyond their call of duty. It is absolutely amazing to me how one person is capable of dragging an entire department down. The moral here has been so low for so long, and now I feel like that will be turning around very soon. It's very sad that it took someone losing their job to make everything better here. However, that is a very unanimous feeling.

So, I wish her the best in her future ventures. I truely hope she will learn something from this.

nothing exciting

Well, I haven't done anything too exciting lately, but after next weekend, I think I'll have a different story to tell.

Ryan and I are going to go sky-diving for his birthday. I am so excited!!! We are both going tandum, which means you are strapped underneath someone who controls the chute and everything. Basically, you're just along to enjoy the ride. This is something I've wanted to do for a long time, and couldn't find anyone as crazy as me to go along. Ryan, on the other hand, he'll do just about anything, so this was not a difficult decision for him at all.

I love it that we do so many things together. I think we have done more in the last year together than I ever did with my ex-husband, who I was with for about eight years. It's almost hard to find time for work with everything we've got planned in the next few months. I just LOVE this guy!!!

So, wish me luck. Hopefully I won't need it.

I'll keep everyone informed on my adventures!!!

Sharing Memories of my Father

Last week, August 3rd, marked the seven year anniversary of my Dad's death.

Wow!!! I can't believe it's been that long. In some ways, the time has flown, but then again, it seems to have been more than a whole lifetime since I had my Dad around.

I have to say, I have managed to keep myself afloat a little better than I thought I would without his guidance. Even though he is not with me in the physical sense, my Dad is always with me in my heart. Absolutely every important decision I make, I still consider how my Dad would feel.

When my Dad found out he was sick, we started discussing his final wishes. He wanted to be cremated and have his ashes scattered out at Adam's Mill Covered Bridge. That's exactly what we did. Now instead of going to visit Dad in a cemetary, I get to go out to a beautifully restored mill and covered bridge. It's so peaceful there. I never once have felt sad or solemn when I go there. Just like my Dad, I am a lover of the outdoors and nature. I think he knew it would be easier on me if his remains were in a peaceful setting. The pictures above show the bridge in the condition it was in when Dad passed away (1998), and then, in 1999, after the bridge was renovated.

On the anniversary of his death, I always go to Adam's Mill and take the tops from daisies or carnations and throw them into the creek. It is so nice to watch them float downstream knowing that they're following the same path as my father.

Even though my love, Ryan, never had the chance to meet my Dad, he has made a tremendous effort to get to know everything possible about him. I know that my Dad would be thrilled to know that I have someone so loving and caring in my life. Ryan knows how important my relationship with my Dad was, and jumps at the chance to learn about him. I am so thankful to have someone who is involved in everything he knows is important to me.

On August 3rd, Ryan and I went to Adam's Mill. It was the first time I have ever taken anyone with me besides my mother. He was so compassionate, and so tender with every word. We took my puppy, Franklin, and had a little picnic together. I felt so close to the two most important men in my life that day. It was very serene.

I love sharing memories of my Dad with Ryan.

good ol' vinyl...so much music, so little time

Last night after getting home from an insanely busy night at work, I was on a search for something to help me relax. Just something simple to enjoy and forget about my day. I found it when I decided to take a gander at my old vinyl collection. What a journey that turned out to be!!

I spent hours searching through albums, ending the evening without enough time to even listen to any of them. As I began my search, I saught out The White Album first. I needed to know it was still OK. Kind of like a long lost love. I was satisfied with its condition and can't wait to get home to listen to it. I've listened to that album all my life...what great memories it carries with it!! I am fortunate enough to have several Beatles albums, even some that were never released in the U.S. I have my dad to thank for that.

It was exciting to find some things I had forgotten I owned. I have to credit my father with a good majority of the collection. Although I do tend to spend way too much time and money searching for vinyl at antique shops, garage sales, etc. It's amazing to me some of the treasures I have found for maybe a quarter or less. So many people don't care, or maybe don't know the value of what they have.

So, tonight, I have plans to spend some quality time with myself and my turntable. I love the old crackle behind all those great songs. My plans for tonight include a pretty wide range of music. I'll be pulling out some Led Zeppelin, of course. I'm ready for No Quarter and the Rain Song...just a couple of my favorites. I also came across The Who-Tommy....YES!!!!! What a great album...Thank you Pete Townsend!!!

I got a good laugh when I found an old Cheech and Chong record. That should prove to be pretty entertaining. Also on the list for tonight will be some Curtis Mayfield and Eric Burdon. Both are musicians I haven't listened to in a great while. I came across a couple Deep Purple albums that I'm not real familiar with, so I'm anxious to hear what they have to offer.

I have so many more albums to go through. It's been so long since I've taken the time to enjoy them. It's such a great way to reminisce. My father was a huge fan of music, and music has always had a tremendous influence in my life. It is always a great escape for me. In good times and bad, music has always been there for me. That's more than I can say for most things in my life.

So, tonight, I plan on going home and finding my "quiet place" within while listening to the crakle of my old turntable. I only wish I had more time. Falling asleep to some Miles Davis is the plan to end my evening.

So much music, so little time.........

A little jealous of Sandy...you may not understand

OK, I've heard enough about Sandra Bullock marrying Jesse James!!!

Give the poor girl a break. Just because she normally does pretty lame chick flicks, doesn't mean she's too good for a tattooed, rough housing, bike mechanic.

Personally, I think Jesse James is a pretty good catch!! I could see myself rubbing those nicely cut, tattooed arms...and,well, we'll just leave it at that!! Plus, I bet that little beauty looks pretty hot on the back of his chopper!! I guess you could say maybe I'm a little jealous of Jesse too!!!

I say way to go Sandy!!!!